


totem of death

by pastelwolfie



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Badly Written, Eggpire on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), For the love of God, Not Canon Compliant, The Syndicate - Freeform, brainrot, im sorry, plot !!, tell me i’m not the only one, wilbur and schlatt are mentioned but not named
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 09:22:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30036522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelwolfie/pseuds/pastelwolfie
Summary: “ techno smirked, a rare feat.“ranboo, i’d like you to meet hypocrates.”oh.oh!OH. “also known as the fic in which ranboo (and the author lmao)  has no clue what’s happening but, hey, when has he ever?ORpastel has ideas about who hypocrates is tELL ME IM NOT THE ONLY ONEalso what tf is foolish’s character tag PLEASE
Relationships: Niki | Nihachu & Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 64





	totem of death

**Author's Note:**

> this idea has b there’s me for so long i made the man a whole fucking reference istg

breath coming short, he could only really just try to appreciate how the fuck they’d managed to get themselves into this one.  
really, how had a single day out manage to turn into such a shitshow?

first was the snow, which left a painful sting wherever it melted on his skin, then the fact he’d been followed by the leader of the syndicate, who was - thankfully? - more surprised than angry to find out he was technically married and had a son.  
maybe techno’s soft spot for the bubbly piglin had helped, it was all quite honestly beyond him.   
then there was the call from sam. the warden. he called for their help? he didn’t know why the warden needed their help originally, but thank god he called when he did because - what the fuck - things only went horribly wrong from there.  
techno tagged along because, uh, he didn’t know? he didn’t know a lot right now.  
when they reached the prison, something promptly blew up and the front of the prison was suddenly caved in with a flurry of ash, soot, smoke and crumbled obsidian. 

things from that moment were... lost to him, really, all he could recall was dream emerging with more than one person at his side, none of whom he’d managed to recognise. then the eggpire had showed up at some point, and, well, they hadn’t stayed around longer than that.

he wasn’t quite sure, still, how he’d got here. sand stuck to his bare skin and threatened to catch in his eyes, the sun beating down on them relentlessly. his choice in attire - black formal suit, as always - wasn’t really helping his case. (his position though, he thought in the back of his mind, was nothing compared to technoblade. how he was still decked out in full antarctic attire in a desert was one of the many things that were beyond him at this rate.)

another thing puzzling him now was where all the extra people came from. sam was there because - hello? warden here - but when he’d been rendered unconscious he, he didn’t know. he didn’t know a lot of things. he had a vague recollection of some type of confrontation and a minor skirmish, but, when did quackity get there? when had niki arrived? when had fundy showed up? he could only recall puffy being there in a passing blur, but how long had jack been around?  
and, most importantly, how the HELL was tommy there?

—🥂—

“techno, why did you decide this of all places would be the best thing to do?”

“yeah dude, i appreciate the getaway but, what the fuck man, how are you not cooking under that cloak?”

“i have my reasons.”

“care to share with the class?”

techno shot jack a glare, promptly shutting him down. he then turned to quackity, raising a brow which - somehow? - got the vulgar duck hybrid to pipe down. he didn’t bother responding to niki, apparently.

they continued their trek, something barely just visible over the crest of a sand dune. 

...

“t-techno, hate to be that dude, again, but - why the fuck are we headed for foolish?”

“hey, th-they fuckin’ hate him, or something. he’s immune to the egg, too. fuckin’ whooped their asses, d-dream told me. about it. yeah.”

“not what i had in mind but that works as well.”

“wait, what?”

—🥂—

when ranboo said he didn’t know what was happening, he really, really, really meant it.  
not only were they bunking out in a pyramid made to worship egyptian gods, but they were hiding from a group of people who had been mind-controlled by an egg - no, actually, fuck that - indoctrinated into a cult following an alien egg... thing.  
why had he even bothered coming here?  
sam had come round a half hour ago, and was currently chattering away to niki who was helping him with the highly concerning wound on his side. he was observant enough to notice how the warden kept glancing at tommy every other second, the boy talking quietly with an only kindly concerned quackity and a gaping tubbo.  
mildly was a light term.

he found himself drifting, trying to put the dots together to form the picture. he found time and time again that he really couldn’t. too much didn’t make sense.

“alright! listen up, here’s the plan.”

his head turned, tail flicking nervously behind him as everyone else’s heads turned to look at techno, who looked less than pleased.

“we go back there, hold off those cultists, and tommy kills that stupid egg.”

“i’ll help, of course,” 

who had that been? he looked around, somewhat frantically. where had it come from?

a question he got answered, when a map clad in golden trinkets and donning wings of the same colour, adorned with jewels and adorned in riches from head to toe, a voice only slightly monotonous. his eyes were encased in a smeared, blackened mask across his skin that was akin to a raccoon mask, and it looked as though his eyes had leaked gold, leaving a trail down his cheeks. eyes piercing green, he notices how his skin was covered in patches of golden leaf, looking more like a part of him than an accessory. ranboo gave techno a sidelong look, his heterochromatic eyes asking all he wanted to say.

techno smirked, a rare feat.  
“ranboo, i’d like you to meet hypocrates.”  
oh.  
oh!  
OH.

suddenly, why they were bunking out in foolish’s temple made a lot more sense.

**Author's Note:**

> :smile:  
> *insert screenshot of the google search of who the fuck hypocrates is, who is just the greek version of horus*  
> DO YOU GET IT  
> PLEASE IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE  
> I BEG
> 
> because wouldn’t it be convenient if we had someone who,,, y’know,,, worshiped horus? or the egyptian gods?? WOULDNT IT BE NICE  
> I DONT SLEEP PROPERLY PLEASE IM AT SCHOOL I CANT WATCH TWITCH WHAT THE FUCKSBSVCGY


End file.
